I feel a twitch, starting from my hip all the way up to the top of my head.
I shiver ever so slightly when I feel the sounds of their voices again come alive.
The tick. Tick. Tick … Tick.
It always starts with my name.
I think someone is yelling for me.
Then I can hear them whispering.
Three. Maybe four. Four voices whispering at the same time in my head.
Then the ticking starts again. Tick. Tick … Tick.
Everything in the background becomes too loud.
My head starts to hurt.
I try to comprehend my reality and my insanity.
At this point it’s a blur.
Slowly, they stir down and the whispering becomes less intense.
My head still hurts.
I think I’m going to put my music on.
A background noise I can actually stand when they start up.
Something I can focus on so they know they won’t win.
Something peaceful even if it’s chaotic.
Something to calm my nerves.
The ticking is still there.
It never stops.
Like that of a metronome.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Then I hear something like waves crashing in my ear.
Like I’m standing right by the sea on a windy day.
That is what I hear when I start to fall asleep.
Crashing waves against my ear yet again.
Then everything but the ticking goes silent. Sometimes for days.
A relief nonetheless.
I feel free.
I want to always feel free.